The struggling

Its been a long time since i visit this blog..since my birthday lahh..waaahhh!!! seriously im not a serious blogger..seriously not..cannot establish myself as that..coz i failed to make my time on to this..failed like 100% fail!! teruk...terukk...shameful! oh..begitu lame sekali rse sbb everytime opening of the entry, mesti cakap pasal mende yg same..which is...'blog berabuk'...abeh tu nak wat camne..dah mmg i am busy like a bee..

Kesahnye, as i had mentioned in previous entry..i am now working in a new company..so, to tell you the truth, i am struggling now..i am trying to win a battle against my self..to fit in an alien environment..which, not only alien, but highly competitive, fast moving, corporate, sophisticated, initiative working environment that demands my double effort...frankly speaking..i never felt this difficult to fit in an environment..once someone said to me that i am easily fitted in any situation or environment (warning : this is not bragging!)..but this time, i feel the difference...its really hard for me to catch up everything..becoz everything is moving super fast here....

The work and work scope, is totally fine..i know that i am mentally ready for this kind of workload...going back late and piles of works is in my list...but the environment...the struggling to mix up with ppl..the running that i have to do so that i'll feel that i am at par with them..the expectation that i have to meet (maybe my boss didn't expect much, or maybe she did...but i feel that she did expect me to be as per my years of experience lah)..sometime is very tiring..maybe because this is like, after 3 years working with fully bumi company, although its a corporate one, i have to compete with other races...furthermore, its not like 'some' other races, its their one of the best...

When i first came in (back in my Day 1 in this co.), the person who welcomed us (me n 2 other fella) said that, people who are working here are carefully selected, from one of the finest, because, according to her, besides the co.'s business plan, it is also a place to train future leaders..when i heard that phrase, i felt like this must be exaggerated..anybody who welcomed u to a new place must said something nice about their home..but in my middle 3rd week here...i can feel that, the phrasing is completely true..you'll see the difference in each and every of the staffs..you can feel how confident and fully driven they are.. i seldom see people lepak or simply chit chat...most of them, in fact all of them are actually doing their work..like no room to chit chat or simply hanging on ppl's desk gossiping..the only time i can see ppl mixing up is during lunch hour..the rest, they are simply busy...It doesn't mean they don't know how to relax and play..but, they just know when is the suitable time to relax and play..Maybe the workload is sky high because we're newly set up. Or maybe, that is just who they are...I don't know....But one thing for sure, this is definitely not my comfort zone. Not just yet. This is definitely the place where i can, no, i need to challenge myself (the biggest challenge is to meet the expectation of my boss specifically, and the company entirely) and sharpen my skill....this is the place where i have to give 200% focus on my work and plan my game for future me. This is where, i need to think not just analytically, but also creatively...

Sometimes regrets do hit my thought when the tiring and anxiety consumed me. But when i reminisce back to the day i was interviewed, i started to realize that we just have to go and do it. We just have to be brave, put extra effort, challenge ourselves, be confident (but not over confident), and just do it. The key point is to be brave and confident. Because when you scared or in doubts, they are clearly shows in your eyes and people can see it.

Yeah its hard! Really, i started to feel it. And i know now that i'm scared and anxious, therefore, i need to do something about this. Really need to.

One quote that i would like to share with all of you. I heard this in one morning while driving to work on RedFM radio show when they are discussing on life coach career...

".....what we are today is the result of our actions in the past..so, if we want a certain thing in a future, we have to shape our actions and makes some adjustments now..."

And i cannot stop my self from agreeing with this statement..coz i believe, in order to reach a certain success that we dream of now, we have to have a goal (a specific one) and works towards it. In the meantime, or during the journey, we have to challenge ourselves. Because, as my Deputy CEO said, when we keep challenging, we basically generating ideas and be initiative, therefore, we can learn two times faster than regular people. That's how ordinary people becomes extraordinary.

Wallahualam...all this i share solely to remind myself of what i am thinking now in the future..may all of this ignites yours and benefited you as well..peace yaw!