Wednesday, 9 November 2011

off and off again..bile nak on nie??

The thing is..i am not yet mastered the self-controlling skill...

People said that there were several phases in surviving from break ups..i said, yes, there is such a thing..some people may not realize that they are going thru that phases, which brought them in denial..but for me..yes, i believe in such, i googled..and in found these..

Seven (7) phases in recovering from break-ups - by i dont know who the hell the writer is..

1. Denial
You are not believe and will not believe that that the relationship is no good for her. As a human it is normal to fear loss, which is why sometimes many of us stick to the same person or same routine because it is safe and reliable, even if it is hurting you and causing you to stay stuck in a rut. No matter how many people advise you to let go of this friendship that is sucking the life out of you, you refuses to. You are in denial to assess the real situation of the relationship. But not for long.

2. Blame & Loss
Time is a great friend to many of us. With time, people’s flaws start to show and the recipient does not stay so patient as before. A few months later you will starts to decide for yourself that your partner is actually no good for you and this is when the friendship officially breaks up. In the place of the relationship you had for so long, you will now feels loss, which hurts like crazy. And so the blaming begins. You'll blames your ex for being a user. You'll blames yourself for being so gullible. You'll blames the world if need be, while grieving over the loss of something that you thought would always be true and beautiful.

3. Acceptance
You'll starts to accept what has happened and the blaming decreases. The feeling of loss is still there, but it does not hurt as much. You'll believes this happened for a reason and starts to assess the situation logically.

4. Re-bound
You'll eventually meet new people which will be the re-bound subject. Though you have accepted what has happened to be fate, you'll still wants to replace that feeling of loss immediately. This may cause you to make some rash decisions on choosing future partner and you will definitely wake up with a relationship-hang-over if you're not careful.

5. Guilt & No Trust
Over with the re-bound phase, you'll start to feel guilty. Guilty over having a re-bound phase, feeling guilty because you told your ex so many things you shouldn’t have said, guilty because you think you could have handled the situation a lot better.
With the guilt comes the sense of not being able to trust anyone. You have been hurt and feels wary when approaching new relationships, scared that the same whirlpool will come suck you into a breakup. You're still hurting and needs time alone to heal the wounds so that you are fully prepared for a new relationship.

6. Healing
This may take a few weeks to a few months, lasting a year if the initial damage was quite bad. The healing stage gives you plenty of time to forgive those who let you down, to forgive yourself. Without interruptions from new relationships, you need to focus on your own personal development, both spiritually, mentally and physically. You need to regain your confidence and love yourself again. You need to be able to trust yourself and not fear your own decision making. You also needs to know that you worth so much more than getting yourself into lousy relationships. You value your self-worth and makes a pact to be true to yourself always.

7. Moving on
The final phase happens when you'll feel you are over the hurt of the past. You can look at it with your mind and not your heart and emotions. You'll be well and truly over it and understands it was a hard lesson you had to take which has passed. You are now ready to move on into the future whilst bearing in mind the lessons you've learnt so as not to repeat any mistakes. You have recovered and knows if you ever saw your ex you will treat them with indifference because they cannot hurt you anymore. The past is in the past now. And the future is bright.

Truthfully, i am not sure which phase i am now. I am too involved and do things super fast when connecting with the opposite gender even though i knew that he is not a good prospect non-so-ever.  I loss my focus on work and my life. All i wanted is to fill in the emptiness.  Indeed!

I really need to drag myself out of this situation cause i dont want a relationship-hang-over. Dun think can survive another relationship being damaged. Going into a relationship now is really a bad idea.

So, i need to stay focus on achieving my goals. Really need the focus!

Despite of that, i had a blast Raya Haji celebration with family and friends. We had our family berbeque adhoc one..but, angah and mama manage to keep it together fantastic dishes with the help from few of my cousin..we had marinated chicken, ikan cencaru, sotong, lamb, and also the main dish and side dish; spaghetti, potato salad, Vietnamese salad and chips...good work everybody...kalau camni punye kerjasama, hari2 buat bbq pon takpe..hehe..

Gamba celebration? haha..xder..nnti i curik dari camera sepupu2 i yg ade hari tu...hehe..

OK now! Get up and go to work! Focus, focus, focus!

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